Funny Wedding Poem – Hilarious Collections

What about my freedom and hanging with my boys? Will this new relationship really bring me joy? I feel like I’m choking, I can’t catch my breath Is marriage just really another kind of death?

Down the aisle she’s coming, I feel my knees get weak My heart is pounding in my chest, my pores have sprung a leak. She’s standing there beside me now and I look in her eyes And all the love and beauty in her, I now realize.

She is my lover, she’s my best friend, how could I ever doubted We take our vows, “Kiss the bride,” the preacher just then shouted,We turn and smile, she whispers to me, though I don’t know the cause Does our marriage license have an exit clause?

I know it’s early, been only a week But you’re clearly not the one that I seek the last minute and now change my mind? Cause we waited til marriage only to find Sex, though I wanted in all my tomorrows, Is another thing I’ll just have to borrow.

Our marriage is new, but you’re just too old To give me the honeymoon that I was told And now here we are, but where is my due Cause getting you hard is making me blue.

You met me at a strip club, you had so many ones I took you to a back room, was the lap dance fun? And then the trip to Vegas, we got drunk and wed Then partied in our room until we broke the bed.

They say what happens there, should in fact there stay But police reports seem to follow you no matter what they say. We made excuses for our actions, blamed it on the booze But enough of this fantasy, we know what is true.

You proposed and I accepted in our family church You are an upstanding man of gentleness and worth And though I know you’ll provide for be and be a faithful man I’d rather go to Vegas, I hope you understand.

My mom would have baked all three of them for free Oh and you want a full bar? Sure let me go get the cash from our money tree Shoes, showers, decorations and a jazz band We both make $9.00 an hour, don’t you understand? I can’t afford all of this extra stuff We are getting married, is that not enough?

I just don’t understand why we need all these flowers You do realize that they will all just die in a couple of hours Just like my bank account.

And you know our parents aren’t going to pay for anything They still think our relationship is some sort of summer fling But trust me, a summer fling would not be this expensive So I hope you understand why I get a little defensive When your father says that you could have done better I’d really like to give him a piece of my mind…in a strongly worded letter

I just have one to thing to say before they pop the balloon You better re-pay me for all of this shit during the honeymoon.

“I am a married woman now, and we don’t do those things.” That’s what I fear the most, you’ll say, after exchanging rings. We’ll go from having sex all night to just making love,“Cause after all we’ve pledged ourselves in front of God above.”

No dirty talk, no playing games, or sexy underwear Married life in bed, it seems, won’t be very fair. So I’ll sit down and talk with you about the things I dread And to my delight and joy, this is what you said.

“Give up those things and become a prude?” she asked with a smile,“I’m expecting a whole lot more than the extra mile. You’re gonna need a little blue pill and lots of vitamin B, If you stand a chance of keeping up with me.”

And though those words I thought would be music to my ears It brought up something else I thought I’d never fear. For I thought I was the one with the appetite, you see And now I’ll have to blame it all on performance anxiety.